Boy, do I have a story for you today! It involves mystery, murder and… a latrine…

Allow me to take you back to the beautiful year of 1076. Yes, the days without proper indoor plumbing. I realise that doesn’t sound very romantic, and trust me it gets worse, much worse.

Private toilets, also called privvies, were not common for regular people like you and me but larger castles and manor houses had lavatories built to the outside walls of their dwellings. The result was, as you may know, that the feces and urine ended up in a cesspit below.

A fine gentleman, named Godfrey the Hunchback, Duke of Lower Lorraine was enemies with Dirk V, Count of Holland. Why? Well, according to Dirk Godfrey was supporting the wrong side, so enter a hired hit man.

Or, in this case, hired stab man who was enlisted to assassinate Godfrey. The assassin climbed up till right under the privvy and when Godfrey was doing his business he was stabbed with a spear. Yes, you’ve got it right: stabbed where the sun doesn’t shine. Godfrey died of his injuries roughly a week later. The killer was never found.

Bring some back-up next time you need a pit-stop…